Friday, 28 February 2020
Another year gone by. My birthday has mixed feelings for me with past events and recently I've had a number of things happen to put a dampener on things further. It's very tough but I keep thinking things are not as bad as they could be - the garden has flooded so wading in my wellies to the mancave for hobby time is disheartening, but my house isn't flooded like some folks have had to deal with.
Also I had a lovely evening with Blue Warp Studios Liam on Pancake Day, he made my tea and we chatted so long the only thing we got to do was build some Adeptus Titanicus Knights and Titans, we had planned to play Blood Bowl too but we had plenty of chat instead. It was a good night but as I left it had just started snowing and 3 minutes down the road the slush on a bend took me by surprise and I fishtailed into the verge hitting a holly tree. Thankfully I was uninjured and Liam came to my rescue, at not inconsiderable risk given the conditions and location, to pull me out. I thought the damage was superficial - bumper, bonnet, light and grill but there was significant damage inside the car too and it's a right-off. I've had it for 4.5 years now and although there were some niggles - the alloys are both cool and ludicrous I felt I'd managed to get it to a sustainable point where I knew it's idiosyncrasies. Now I have to do it again. I don't like change and although I keep reminding myself I could have been injured, hurt someone else or worse it's cold comfort.
So I feel pretty crappy at the moment and the hobby isn't really helping me feel better. Writing about it does a bit, hence this catharsis, but aside from my scheduled Old Stuff Day post I may take some time to rebuild my confidence and motivation. So, despite the nature of the post it's not a pity thing, it's more a cleansing. And particularly in the hobby there are many challenged with mental health issues and the first thing to do is to talk about them. My issues are surmountable, they're predominantly 'first world', but right now they feel too much, which is what I think most of us feel.
So I'm OK, but going to take some time for myself. Meanwhile, be good to each other, like you always are.